Saturday, March 19, 2011

Getting Pumped For The Big Game - OFFICIAL PUMP-UP POST PT DEUX

You probably bought your kids a bunch of goggles because they complained about chlorine in their eyes when they swim in the above ground pool you blew your bonus check on right before the market crashed in 2008. They probably lost them after 3 days and you were jacked.

The last time you wore goggles yourself was probably when you went snorkeling with your wife or girlfriend who conned you into it on some dumb cruise where you had to pay for your own booze, which didn't even matter because you were puking your life out in some 2x2 john because you were seasick. So you swam around and saw some junk you could see at the Pittsburgh Zoo without hearing yourself breathe. Bojos were taking pictures with underwater cameras which you probably forgot to pack because you haven't had a beer to clear your mind in half a week. Now your girl is going all crazy at you and you look like Inspector Gadget with those stupid goggles on.

There was one time, in college, you had some goggles on. Beer goggles. You were also probably drinking $1.50 light beers like a bojo. I'm not taking this story any further. You've tried to forget it happened, or worse, didn't happen. Because you probably blew it for yourself.

Nothing good has ever come from goggles. Nothing. Admit it. You hate goggles. If you're a self respecting American, you hate goggles. You can't see right out of them, they make a stupid line in your hair and leave red rings around your eyes so that even when you take them off you still look like an idiot and everyone knows you were wearing goggles. Get real. You hate goggles.

Take the goggles off tonight. Don't be a bojo.

Football isn't football...UNLESS YOU GOT POWER!


B.S. said...

I saw two Bolt buses in DC this morning, which were no doubt loading Power fans for the trip to Pittsburgh. The championship atmosphere extends to our nation's capital.

Perry said...

Yeah, those guys drink at the Pour House on Capital Hill - a Pittsburgh bar if there ever was one. I think they might be members of the Surge Squad.